Hi there!

If you know me than you know I'm someone who has always struggled with having close friends. I've always loved people more than they loved me. For example: I had a best friend in middle school, she was my best friend but I always knew I wasn't hers. As a kid I couldn't tell you why this happened so much, but as an adult I know it's because I have these walls I built to protect my heart from all the pain it has gone through before. I do have a couple of good friends now that God has been so generous in blessing me with, although it took years to get to the place we are.

As someone who has always been on the edge of every friend group, I get very nervous about new groups and worry that I will feel like an outsider who's allowed to hang out on occasion. Yesterday I went to meet some of the people from my squad in Austin, I was going to be an hour late ("an extra hour for them to get close so I can be an outsider again" as silly as it sounds that's what ran through my mind). I had come to terms with this and asked God to give me the freedom to be myself completely with these people and just be okay with how it was. 

With tears in my eyes, I tell you that I couldn't have been more wrong. When I got to the coffee shop we were meeting at all three of my squad mates got up from the table and hugged me (my love language if you didn't know)! They immediately asked about my drive and how many kids I had at church that morning. I've never felt so loved and welcomed in my life! I wasn't on the edge but right in the middle and my presence was just a natural part of the group. It was like when my cousins come from North Dakota and we wonder if it will be awkward because we don't really know them that well but it never is because we're family. 

The rest of the day was wonderful too as we went paddle boarding (most of us for the first time) and got to know each other. I'm so excited for these people (along with the rest of my squad I'll meet at training camp in 11 days) to be my family for the next year! They all love Jesus like crazy and I'm going to learn so much living with them. God is so faithful, I'm truly blown away by it.

Stay tuned and subscribe for updates! My next post will most likely be about Training Camp!!

 Love and joy,

Rebekah Sartain