How Did I Get Here?

Hi there!

I hope you’ve checked out the “about me” section so you kind of know who I am. I’m going to the Philippines and it’s going to be beyond awesome! This trip is something super big for me and it’s kind of scary, like pit in your stomach scary. Let me tell you a little about how I got here.

For months, I’d been feeling like I was just drifting through no man’s land in my walk with God, living in a season of waiting. I had always imagined when that season was over, I would just suddenly know what to do and everything would get moving right away. Well, that’s not how it happened for me. I felt God nudging me through His word and a stirring in my spirit that the season of waiting was over, but I didn’t know what to do next. I prayed and prayed and sought the counsel of fellow believers. I felt so lost, like God was wanting me to do something but wouldn’t tell me what that was. I was leaning into God so hard it felt like I might fall over, but still I saw no clear answer.

While all this internal struggle was going on, I kept following through with commitments I’d made to volunteer with different events going on over the summer. I’ve always had a heart for loving on kids and honestly that’s been my thing since I was a kid myself. So, it came as no surprise that I had signed up to volunteer at a local church’s VBS. I had known for a bit that I was going to be teaching the PreK-4 class, no biggy, I really love that age and teach it at my church on Sundays. Well, a week before the VBS I found out that the PreK 4 class didn’t do a rotation like the older kids. Apparently, they stayed in the same class room all day with just me to teach them, and I still hadn’t received any curriculum! For those of you that don’t know me personally, I can be kind of high strung. I was freaking out, wishing there was a way I could unsign-up. 

I finally got the curriculum the Sunday before and I prayed so hard for patience and asked God to really use me. Something changed that week, although I had been praying and praying for weeks it had all been about me before. I’d prayed, “God what do you want ME to do?” and “What’s your plan for ME and MY life?” During that crazy week of VBS something changed in my heart as I stopped praying ME ME ME and started praying for the 10 sweet kiddos in my class, the two teens helping me, and that God would make me the light these kiddos needed to see – for their sake. There were only 4 days to show these little people how mighty, just, gentle, and loving our Lord really is.  (VBS Kiddos)

I think everything was amplified because my birthday was that week, and normally my birthday is all about me. But this year I got to teach a bunch of 4-year-olds a Bible story about Jesus, and that night I started leading a bible study for high school girls. This bible study was something that I had been praying God would let me lead for 4 years, but he kept telling me to wait for it. The point here isn’t that I’m great, but that God is so incredibly good! Even though I felt lost for that season, He was right there with me. It’s the best birthday I have ever had, and I desperately wanted more days like that.

I was reassured that God was faithfully there, guiding my steps, though I still longed for more clear direction. As I talked about it with a new friend in her apartment, I came to realize that what I wanted more than anything else was to spend as many of my days as I could sharing God’s love with kids, teens, and anyone who would listen. I started looking for mission trips that did something with kids and were longer than a week. An old friend recommended I look up Adventures in Missions and they seemed to be an answer to prayer. 

The more I thought about it the more reasons for me not to go surfaced. I’ve never been on a plane alone before, but I’ll have to for training camp. I’ll miss volunteering at the VBS that gave me the push I needed to look beyond myself. I’ll miss volunteering with my church at an event called Adventure Week, which is something I’ve done the last 4 years. I’ll miss going to student camp as a sponsor. These things are usually the highlight of my summer. My birthday happens during the trip, so I’ll be away from family and friends. I’ll have to do things, like write blog posts, that absolutely terrify me. I could go on, but everything that I brought to God as a reason not to do this, He just whispered back, “Do you trust me?” There’s not really a good comeback for that. I mean, no one wants to tell their creator “You may hold this in your hands, but I don’t trust you!” So, after a while of bringing God all my reasons not to go, and Him moving some pretty huge obstacles for me, I finally said, “Yes, I trust you!” And though I’m still learning, and need to be reminded of it often, I’m really looking forward to how God is preparing me for this trip and what He plans to do when we get there.